When I was a young kid I would get my aunty's bags and books and pretended to be a teacher. I would use our bedroom as a classroom and had imaginary students. I wanted to be a tall, slim and well dressed teacher. Then when I was in my last years in primary school, every after school, my mother would leave us in a rice retail store while she goes to wet market to buy something for our dinner, etc. I enjoyed watching the lady selling rice by the kilos. Then I changed my mind. I no longer want to be teacher but I wanted to have a business, a retail business. I would sell rice and groceries. Then in high school, I excelled in Mathematics and enjoyed my Chemistry class though my teacher was tough. I planned to take Chemical Engineering when I will be in College. But I was greatly disappointed coz that course was not available in the University in our province where I will be studying at. I need to go to Manila, study and live there. But we were financially not capable to do it. My father told me too that it would be very hard for me to find a job after finishing the course. My parents decided for me to take Commerce major in Accounting so I would land a job in a bank and could get a better salary. But that decision had changed when my uncle, a brother of my mother, told them that the in demand profession (that time) was Civil Engr. That if I will take that course and finished it, he will help me financially in my studies and help me get a job later. So to make the story short, I enrolled in Civil Engineering course, studied well, finished it with very good grades that would made my parents happy and proud and had passed the board exam too.
While I was doing the course, I started to love reading love story books. I enjoyed reading Movie magazines and anything about the showbiz world. Then I started writing love stories in my mind. I used to tell them to my close classmates/friends during our free periods in the University. I remember how they listened well and even asked me where can they borrow the book. I then wanted to be a writer. But I was discouraged again. You have to be very very smart to be a good writer to earn a very good income, they said.
One of our subjects in Civil Engineering was Surveying. I had fun in that subject. I thought I could be a surveyor. But my father who had a job in Bureau of Lands said the job will only suit a man. Though I had a job in a surveying company later not in the fields but just in the office. I was questioning in my mind, how about being a Civil Engr, that would suit a man not a woman! After passing the board exam, I did a little job as Civil Engr with my uncle. But he was not able to help me get a job in the company he was working at. His circumstance changed then passed away soon.
Civil Engineering is math, design, construction and maintenance. Since I could not get a job anymore in the province, I applied for a teaching job advertised in a national paper. The name of the school was not mentioned. But it turned out it was Ateneo, in Manila. I was not accepted coz I have no units in teaching but I was offered scholarship to take Masters degree in Mathematics. Apparently they were impressed with my grades in Mathematics. I will be receiving an amount too for books. But turned it down coz I would be living in Manila then of course I have to pay for board and lodging. I need to help my family. I need to get a job rather than study and spend again.
I was not very keen in structural designs, but I like decorating houses, offices, etc. I've always been fascinated by the interior designs inside the buildings, in actual or in the magazines.Wherever I go to someone's house, office or even in the hospital, I find myself decorating it in my mind. This time, I just keep it within me. I do not want anyone know that I wanted to be an Interior decorator, except my husband and my children.
As I get older, I found myself enjoying cooking and baking. I began collecting cook books and I guess I became addicted to it. I love watching cooking shows. But the desire to be an Interior decorator is still in my heart. I still decorate in my mind the places I go. I still daydream of writing stories. My husband put up a restaurant with karaoke for me but there were many obstacles to make it succeed. One obstacle was and is very difficult that it will take so much courage to overcome it. It hurts me but I need a strong "reinforcement" to establish another restaurant or to start from scratch again, let it be a Cafe. I am referring to my children as the strong reinforcement.
I am still an at home mom, but I love it so much that I am always thankful to the Lord for giving me such children. I do small caterings from time to time. But I still wanted to make something that would satisfy my own personal identity. The chapter in my life where I was ordered to listen was gone. I wanted to close another chapter in my life where I was put down emotionally and mentally and has been a subject of jealousy. It's crushing me! I am opening soon the next chapter where I can stand strong and would be able to do what I've been longing to do for as long as I can remember. ☺
